Archive for August, 2007

Frenemy?

{ August 29, 2007 @ 5:11 pm } · { conflict, exasperation, feelings, friends, guilt, jealousy, sarcasm }
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<sigh> This is sad, but so true. A post from the blog of the editor of Radiant magazine:


Have you ever had a frenemy? A friend-enemy? This article takes a look at the interesting frenemy relationship and how women, much more so than men, are likely to have these types of relationships. One theory about why this may be is that on a certain level, women often feel competitive with their friends, not wanting to be outshone—but unlike men, who seem to have much less difficulty displaying their competitive feelings, women guiltily keep these feelings to themselves, creating a hotbed for viral jealousy. At the same time, women are more likely to want to maintain a relationship they’ve invested so much in emotionally. Thus the conflicting—and very complex—intertwining of positive and negative feelings.

I identify most with the gal quoted in the CNN article, Maria Calderon-Saban. But exactly how does one “lose all will to continue the friendship” with someone who has played such a big part of one’s past? Suddenly, this person becomes disposable & invisible, either by way of a massive betrayal, like Calderon-Saban’s friendship, or a slow but steady erosion of trust, love and grace. In my current “frenemy” situation, a loss of trust in one’s commitment to the preservation of my identity and my vulnerability has slowly created a chasm so wide, I hardly think it crossable. And what’s a girl to do but wait it out? And after more than 4 months of waiting it out, I have loudly received the answer I expected: silence.

 

small ‘B’ baptist, big ‘C’ Christian?

{ August 21, 2007 @ 5:10 pm } · { family, fun, home }
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So, our pastor at Cedar Grove has always called us “small ‘B’ baptists, big ‘C’ Christians.” That means, “Don’t get into futile and trivial arguments over denomination. If that’s what you’re holding on to as your Christian identity, you’ve got it all wrong.” (Well, that’s what I take from it, anyway). Nonetheless, a wicked co-worker of mine took it upon herself to forward my appeal for “Christian jokes” for November’s magazine to her oh-so-witty (and probably Baptist?) friends. The following was part of their replies:

Guy walks down his street to get to the bus one day and sees a little boy with a wagon full of puppies. Next to it is a sign that reads: “Orthodox Puppies – Free!” He asks the boy about them and is told they were only born yesterday. The next day he sees the same boy and stops to look at the puppies. Then he says, “Orthodox puppies?” The boy looks up and says, “Yes sir they are” and then goes back to tending the puppies. The next day the boy is there with the puppies but this time the man sees that the sign has changed:  “Baptist Puppies – Free”. The man is intrigued and asks the boy, “Um, weren’t these Orthodox puppies yesterday?” The boy smiles and says, “Yes sir, they were. But today their eyes are open.”  

So a guy walks into a Catholic church and asks to use the phone to call God. The Priest points him to a gold phone and says, it’s a direct line, but it will cost you $10 in long distance fees.The next day same guy walks into a charismatic church and asks to use the phone to call God.  Pastor points at a beautiful phone under a huge bank of flags and says, it’s a direct line, but will cost you $10 in long distance charges.

The next day same guy walks into a Baptist church and asks to use the phone to call God. The pastor points to a phone on the reception desk. The man reaches into his wallet and pulls out a $10. He hands it to the pastor and says, “here’s for the long distance charges.” Pastor laughs and says, “Don’t worry about it – it’s a local call.” 

… continue reading this entry.

Martha vs. Mary

{ August 3, 2007 @ 5:57 pm } · { Christ, family, grace, home }
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Last night we hosted our 2nd official dinner “party” in our new home. My lovely grandparents, Barb & Stan, and my parents and brother~ Neil, Sandy and Zach ~ blessed us with their presence in our new home. What a neat feeling to stand with my husband’s arm around me at the end of the night, waving goodbye to family and retreating together into our home.

Wayne and I spent the better part of the evening prior cleaning up, prepping food, going to bed early so we wouldn’t be so tired. I even came home at lunch yesterday to make one of the appetizers (marinated bocconcini wrapped in prosciutto, speared with a basil leaf and half a grape tomato – delish!). As soon as I came home from work , I was off and running! Racing around finishing laundry, putting away ugly practical things that tend to invade our more stylized spaces out of function and necessity, bringing the pork up to room temp, cutting potatoes, Windexing mirrors, queing up music, lighting candles, deciding which apron to wear…it goes on and on! I did this so that once everyone arrived, I’d be able to sit and chat, knowing how *rude* it is to be constantly in the kitchen, fussing (bad hostess!). Fortunately, we have an open floor plan, allowing me to chat with my little brother who sat at the breakfast bar on the opposite side of the island, while I prepped some more. The chitter chatter of Mum and Nana at the table to my right brought back a rush of teatime memories, while Wayne and Dad listening to more of Grandpa’s stories about the war and meeting jazz greats back in Montreal long ago filled my heart with a combination of pride and gratefulness.

My family always cracks jokes about trying to be Martha Stewart: if Mum does a good job on a particular dish (which usually is the case), and someone compliments her, she’ll say, “Just call me Martha!” In my case, after a particular failed recipe, I’ll hang my head and mumble, “I am no Martha” (though I try my darndest!).

Funny thing about that name, Martha, isn’t it? That in the book of Luke, Mary is attentive at Jesus’ feet while “Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made” (Luke 10:38-42). I can only assume that Martha, worried about how Jesus would view her home and hospitality, instead of her heart, busied herself the only way she knew how to serve others: through entertainment.

I don’t think her desire to serve and bless and entertain her Saviour-to-be were wrong; only that her priorities were misplaced. Jesus told her “only one thing is needed” – to stop all worldly pursuits and give our full selves to the leading and teaching of Christ. Mary understood the power and authority before her, while Martha, though a believer and follower, preferred (or perhaps, defaulted out of nervousness?) to show her respect and reverance through acts of service.

This resonated deeply with me last night. When I am so obviously presented with an opportunity to learn from Christ or to exercise His teachings, I mustn’t let the daily to-do lists get in the way of receiving from Him and blessing others in His name. When given the choice between immediate or eternal, I need to stop and think before proceeding. I had to force myself last night to look up from the green beans and broccoli, the candles and the music, to look my guests in the face and ask how are they are. To inquire about what’s new, to show compassion and grace, and attempt to open my heart to God’s love so I could be used for His purposes.

So maybe I don’t want to be Martha afterall. It’s Mary who did it right.